Comic Toasts

 

May the tax-gatherer be forgiven in another world.

To the early bird that catches the worm.

To the bird in the hand that is worth two in the bush.

Our native land: may we never be lawfully sent out of it.

Sound hearts, sound sovereigns, and sound dispositions.

The Queen, and may true Britons never be without her likeness in their pockets.

The land we live in: may he who doesn’t like it leave it.

The three great Generals in power—General Peace, General Plenty, and General Satisfaction.

The Bank of England’s passport to travel with, and the Queen’s picture for a companion.

May the parched pea never jump out of the frying-pan into the fire.

The three R’s: Reading, ‘Riting, and ‘Rithmetic.

May evil communications never corrupt good manners.

May the celebrated pin a day, of which we have heard so much, always make the groat a year.
May the groat a year never be unwisely invested in a Joint-Stock Company.

May that man never grow fat
Who carries two faces under one hat.

Here’s to the best physicians—Dr. Diet, Dr. Quiet, and Dr. Merryman.

Here’s to the feast that has plenty of meat and very little table-cloth.

Here’s to the full purse that never lacks friends.

May fools make feasts, and wise men eat them.

Here’s to the man who never lets his tongue cut his own throat.

Here’s to the man who never quarrels with his bread and butter.

Here’s to the man who never looks a gift-horse in the mouth.

Here’s to the old bird that is not to be caught with chaff.

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This is taken from Routledge's Manual of Etiquette.